Two Pieces
by stavwithme
Summary: What if he had really lost her (or so he thought)? Will it be easy to start all over? A twist in Probable Cause's ending.
1. Chapter 1: Reality Wakes Up

_Castle's trembling hands took a better hold of the object in his hands as he felt sweat drip down his forehead. He aimed higher and carved his teeth on his lower lip hard, trying his best to remain in the same position. "This is it" he thought as he ran his finger to the trigger._

_"If you shoot me, your girlfriend will be gone too, Castle" Tyson threatened as he took one last step back, pulling the Detective along with him._

_Taking a quick glance over his shoulder he tightened the grip around the detective looking back at Castle._

_"Don't move" he hissed on Beckett's ear, using all his strength to make sure neither of them would fall on their back, down onto the river._

_"Let her go now!" Castle yelled, taking small steps towards both of them, locking his eyes with Beckett's. "I can't lose her now. Not after all the battles we've won. This can't be it."_

_Beckett's green eyes locked on his ocean orbs as she tried to escape from Tyson's grip, tears starting to escape her eyes. She moved her lips to talk but it seemed as all her voice had been cut out, not a single sound escaping her lips. "I love you" She thought as her she kept her orbs locked on her boyfriend._

_Understanding that look Castle shook his head, mouthing "I love you too, Kate" before looking back at the 3xK killer, gripping the gun tighter in his hands._

_Before Castle understood what was going on Tyson pointed the gun to Beckett's head, grinning over at Castle conquerly._

_"Say goodbye to your girlfriend, Writer boy"_

_All in a continuum, a shot was heard and Castle's eyes flooded with tears as he saw the bullet hit Tyson's chest, making him stumble back. As he was about to let a relieved breath escape his lips, his eyes focused back on Tyson's arm, that was still around Beckett's and, before he knew it, both the bodies fell back down into the river._

"No!" he screamed out, as he opened his eyes. Quickly bringing his body up to a sitting position, Castle ran a hand through his messy hair, sighing. Bringing his thumb up to his eyes he quickly wiped away his tears and looked to his left, seeing his girlfriend sleeping next to him.

Throwing his feet into his slippers, Castle got up from his bed and made his way to the kitchen grabbing himself a glass of water, taking a sip. As a sigh escaped his lips, he walked to his office, opening his desk drawer, removing a picture from inside of it.

"I miss you so much, Kate…" he mumbled, gently stroking the picture held in his hands, revealing a two year old photograph of him and Beckett.

As he heard steps coming his direction, the writer threw the frame back inside he desk, locking it and walked back to the kitchen, throwing a small smile at the woman standing in front of him.

She smiled at him and rubbed her eyes, walking towards him, pecking his cheek softly. "Good Morning, handsome."

She was tall, but not taller than him, brown eyes but she had a delicate smile, all combined in a sublime figure. The woman was wearing short gym shorts and a sleeping tank top, a light pink robe finishing her sleeping outfit, her long brown hair falling over her shoulders.

"Morning, Andrea", Castle mumbled, rubbing his tired eyes as he watched as the woman started cooking some breakfast, knowing her way around the kitchen. "Did I wake you?"

"No, I have to get to work soon enough anyways" she replied, glancing at him "Did you have the same dream again?"

Castle looked away from his girlfriend's eyes sighing and sat down with his coffee mug in between both his hands, nodding "Don't worry about it" he mumbled

"I do worry, love" she admitted, rubbing his back softly "I just wish I could give you what she did…" Andrea confessed, immediately regretting it after

"This is not about you, Andrea. I already explained this to you a million times"

"Please calm down, I'm sorry -"

"No, I won't calm down!" Castle hissed slightly louder than he wanted "This has nothing to do with you. This is about me, about Kate" he added as he got up from his seat, starting to walk upstairs "And it doesn't matter how hard you try… You'll never be her" he hissed, quickly walking back upstairs, leaving the woman standing alone in the kitchen.

(...)

"Hey man" Castle said, patting Javi's back as he arrived at the precinct

Esposito smiled as he saw Castle and hugged him back, pulling back "Look who finally decided to show up" he teased, signaling Ryan to go over there

"I'm sorry man, just been busy" the writer replied, no emotion present in his voice "And to be honest, I came because Lania called me, any idea what that's about?"

As Ryan approached them and greeted Castle he exchanged looks with Esposito, running a hand through his hair "I think it's better if she's the one talking to you about it. She's inside talking to the Captain" he added, titlting his head signaling the Captain's office

"Oh…" Castle said, immediately understanding it would have something to do with Beckett "Did you find her?" he asked almost in a non-audible whisper

Before any of the guys could answer it Lanie arrived, followed by Gates, offering a gentle smile to Castle

"I'm glad you came, Castle" she confessed, stroking his arm softly

Castle's sad blue eyes turned to Lanie and the Captain as he simply nodded his head, sliding both his hands in his jean pockets.

Ever since Beckett had gone missing two years ago on that bridge he had never been the same and it was very visible in the fact that he would rarely use suits nowadays or even in the fact that he had never finished a book ever since the accident. The truth was, although he tried to go on with his life, even by being in a relationship for almost six months now, he wasn't the same and would never be.

"Just say what you have to say, Lanie"

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry…"

Castle looked at her, turning both his hands into fists as he tried to fight the tears, waiting for her to go on but as she didn't, Gates took her place and continued to explain

"A body has been found last night in the river, Castle. Since it's been… so long, they weren't able to remove any prints so they had to try and make some DNA match tests. We still don't have the results, but they assumed it is her because of something they found with her…"

At that point Castle wasn't fighting the tears anymore. It was a silent cry though and they all were hurt by the possibility that the body found the previous night could belong to the Detective, to their Detective. As no one proceeded, Gates inhaled and tried to keep up with her tough mask, taking a hold of Castle's hand.

"They found a watch and although it was a little warned out they're not sure, but it is really similar to her father's watch" Gates finally concluded, squeezing his hand "I demanded them to speed up the analysis, we must receive the results later today"

Neither of them knew what to say. IT had been almost two years and this possibility had always been on the table. But with so much time gone by the fact that they were being hit with this again was like re-living it all again.

"I appreciate you telling me" Castle said, quickly wiping away the tears that remained on his face "But I uh… I'm late, actually… So uh… Thank you" he repeated, quickly turning his back on the group, rushing out of the precinct, letting the tears flood out of his eyes back again.

All these thoughts were taking over him and his vision was being affected by the tears that were on his eyes. "It can't be her… It won't be her" he kept thinking. It'd been hard living without her but he tried, holding onto the hope that she could still be alive. The fact that she could be really dead, it would just be the end of his world, for good and he wouldn't know how to deal with that. Ever since she was gone he pushed everyone away from his life, his friends, books, even his family hadn't been the same since then. And he didn't want things to be like that but he couldn't afford to lose anyone else again. Hell, he couldn't lose Beckett all over again. Before he could go on with his thoughts, he found himself bumping against someone, almost knocking that person off her feet.

"I'm sorry…" he muttered, his world suddenly dropping at his feet as he recognized the person, a million thoughts and feelings invading him.


	2. Chapter 2: Games

**Thank you for your support with the previous chapter, it seriously means the world to me. I'm not expecting a lot of feedback from this story, I started it a while ago and I have what I like to call the "lazy-writer syndrome". Which means I have ideas, I love them and when it comes to putting them on paper I just can't find the patience to make it sound good enough. So I apologize if my writing isn't that great in these first few chapters and the story isn't well developed. I hope you stick with me through it anyways, especially because I'm already writing a new story. One that I'm actually proud of. Thank you once again and please let me know how I can improve this or any doubt that you have don't feel afraid to look for my help. ****Always.**

"Do I know you?" the woman asked as she stared into Castle's eyes, feeling a weird deja-vu feeling

"K-kate…" he whispered

"Excuse me?" she asked, confused

As a million questions wanted to come out at the same time he reached his hand up to her face, tracing his fingers carefully on her cheek making sure he wasn't dreaming "You're here"

Feeling weak under his touch, the woman took a step back. As weird as this situation was she felt anything but scared and that's what was confusing her the most "I'm sorry… You must be mistaking me for someone else"

Castle shook his head, wiping away his tears, suddenly coming to his sense "You don't know me…?"

The woman shook her head slowly, offering him a small smile "I'm sorry… Was I supposed to?"

"It's me. Castle, Richard Castle. What—Ho—"

"Are you okay?" the woman asked, resting her hand carefully over the man's arm

Not being able to find the right words to say, Castle's gaze stayed locked on the woman, realization suddenly hitting him

"You don't remember me, do you?"

"I am sorry…" she replied, shaking her head slightly

Nodding in comprehension, Castle slightly took a step closer to her, causing her to take a step back so the space between them wasn't closed.

"No, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else" he confessed, pulling out his hand for her "I'm Castle, Rick Castle" he introduced himself, offering her a small smile, trying to regain control of the situation

The woman smiled comfortingly at him, taking his hand in hers, shaking it "Sarah Walker" she whispered as a shiver rushed down her body, making her let go of his hand "Uh… I should go now, though"

Not being able to see her walk away again he quickly moved closer to her, shaking his head "Don't! I mean…" he restarted, clearing his throat "Would you maybe want to go and grab a cup of coffee with me?"

Apprehensive at first, the woman nodded her head, starting to walk side by side with Castle "So… Are you feeling better?" she asked, caringly

"Excuse me?"

"Crying… You were crying, so… I'm sorry, it's none of my business"

Castle couldn't help but smile. She didn't know who she really was but still she hadn't changed. She was the same caring, sweet woman he had fallen in love with five years ago.

"Oh yeah, everything's better now. Do you live near-by?"

The woman walk in front of him, entering the coffee-shop and shook her head slightly "Not really, I just moved back to the city"

"Back?" he inquired, tilting his head to the side

"Mhm. My boyfriend had been talking about moving back here for as long as I can remember and the opportunity came so… Here I am" she chuckled, not feeling really comfortable about sharing private information with him

"Boyfriend… Oh" he sighed, not being able to hide his disappointment "How did you meet that boyfriend of yours?" he asked

Suddenly taken a-back she rose up from her seat, sighing "I'm sorry, I really should get going"

"Wait… Please" he begged, holding her wrist in his hand. Looking from her wrist to her eyes he sighed, letting go of her wrist "Listen… I really would love if I could have a proper conversation with you anytime soon, so" he said, removing one of his business cards from his pocket "Just call me, ok?" he pleaded, standing up as well

The woman looked at the card and back at him, nodding her head "Sure. Uh… Thanks for the coffee" she said, slightly bringing her cup up in the air, walking away from him

(…)

"I'm telling you, it was her Lanie!" the man repeated, running his frustrated hand through his hair, pacing back and forth his friends' living room

"Listen, honey, I know the DNA tests didn't match Beckett and I know you still hope she's alive, somewhere. Trust me, I do too, but the fact that you randomly bumped into her in this huge city and that she didn't remember you… Don't you think you should just rest?"

"Don't you think I would recognize her? I know it was he—"

Before he could proceed with his answer a phone was heard on the background, making him bring his hand up to his pocket, answering it "Hello?"

"Hmm… Castle? Hi, this is Sarah. From earlier in the afternoon?" the woman offered, hoping he would recognize her

"Beck—Sarah! I'm so glad you called… Uh, what's up?" he asked, not sure on how to start the conversation

"I'm not sure why I'm calling but I was hoping you could help me"

He smiled at her words. Hearing her voice again, knowing he would be able to see her again, to touch her, to smell her. Except, this wasn't her and that thought made his smile fade from his voice again "What can I do for you?"

"I really can't explain it through the phone" she whispered "Can you meet me tomorrow?"

Castle nodded at her words, writing down the place chosen by the woman for their meeting tomorrow and looked at Lanie, whispering an "until tomorrow, then" to the phone, sighing.

"Do you still don't believe me?" he asked, sitting back down next to Lanie

"Castle, I really appreciate the fact that you haven't given up on her, I'm sure she would do the same for you. But this is just not a good situation you're putting yourself in. Listen, even if this was Beckett. Why wouldn't she have said anything, why would she be pretending to don't remember you, why does she have a different name?"

"Lanie, she was probably injured while in the river, maybe she is just amnesiac—"

"Hospitals would have recognized her, honey. Anyone would have, with all the information that passed for months… Someone would have recognized her."

"But what if she didn't go to the hospital. What if she just woke up and just didn't know who she was. Or what if she just didn't have a television or anything, what if—"

"Castle, from what I see you have a lot of what if's, a lot of question and you're hoping this woman will give you the answers tomorrow. What if she can't do that? What if you're just tricking yourself?"

"I know it's her Lanie. If you saw her, if you heard her" seeing Lanie's disappointment, he sighed, nodding "Ok. Tomorrow we'll see. She said she just came to town with her boyfriend" he hissed, emphasizing the boyfriend part "I'll just try and go from there" he said, shrugging his shoulders

"I just don't wanna see you get hurt, honey"

"I know and I appreciate it, but I'll only get hurt if I let her go again" he added, rising up from his seat sighing "I'll call you tomorrow to let you know how it was… Please don't tell anyone yet, especially not Gates. If this is really her, I don't want the whole city falling on top of her already" he confessed, walking out.

(…)

"Hey…" a voice behind him whispered, making him get up from his seat

"Hi… You look…" he started, looking at her from head to toe. She was wearing a pair of skinny jeans, a losen up shirt and a simple plain beige jacket on top, her hair falling over her shoulders. She looked more beautifu than ever, though "Extraordinary" he finished, a smile plastered on her face

A little taken a-back she smiled thanking him and sat down in front of him, running a hand through her long orange-ish hair "Thank you for meeting me" she started, not sure on how to begin

Castle nodded in reply, not wanting to interrumpt her

"So… You were right" she whispered, looking at him

"Always am" he instantly replied, sighing "I'm sorry, old habit… I was right about what?"

"I remember it all" she confessed, tears starting to build up in her eyes "I'm Kate Beckett..."


	3. Chapter 3: New Beginning

**Thank you for your reviews and favorites. It means a lot. I'm sorry for the delay, I'll take a while uploading each chapter due to the fact that I'm facing my evaluations. I'm the second year of university and time really doesn't come easy to me. I hope I won't let you down, thank you for your trust in me.**

* * *

"Excuse me?" he muttered, slightly tilting his head to the side

She nodded at his words, closing her eyes for a few seconds making the tears roll down her cheeks "It's me, Castle"

"Wh—But you—How…"

Opening her eyes again she quickly locked them on his ocean orbs, seeing tears fall from his eyes as well, her whole world falling down at her feet as she felt the blame crush her "I'm back…"

"Yo—you're back?!" he silently screamed, not bothering to hide the tears that kept falling down "Is this some kind of joke?"

Beckett shook her head, trying to remain calm when all she wanted to do was hug him, hold him in his arms again and never let go "I'm sorry…"

"You're sorry?!" he repeated, a dry laugh escaping his lips "No. You're not sorry. People are sorry for breaking a glass, for losing a friend's favorite shirt. People aren't sorry for disappearing for two years and then coming back and acting like I've gone crazy!" he shouted, making everyone at the coffee house stare at them both

Beckett shook her head, bringing her hands to his, making him quickly pull it away.

"It's not like that, Castle. I didn't know…"

"You didn't know? What didn't you know?"

"That you'd still care…" she whispered, looking down at the table "When I woke up, it was all too blurry, too confusing… I didn't know in what to believe and then he told me who I was, what had happened—"

"He?"

Beckett looked back at Castle, nodding her head "My… Boyfriend" she informed, sighing

Surprising both of them, a sarcastic laugh escaped Castle's lips as he heard those words, making him get up from his seat "Don't bother explaining, I get it now"

"No, Castle. You really don't! Alex found me near the river and he thought about taking me to the hospital but he's a doctor, so he decided to take me to his house. He took care of me. I was in a coma for almost two years and then, when I woke up… He was all I knew. But he helped me remember, he helped me remember you…" she added in a low whisper, taking his hand in hers

Castle stared at her, tears falling from both their eyes and nodded his head, an ironic smile plastered on his face "So, a doctor found you but instead of taking you to the hospital, knowing who you were, he decided to take care of you in person… And then helped you get your memory back and now he's your lovely boyfriend" Castle nodded his head "I see… It all makes sense" he ironicly stated, not pushing his hand away from hers though

"It wasn't my choice, it was his… As soon as I regained my memory I got back to the city… I came back for you" she confessed, stroking his hand with her thumb

Looking down at their hands he looked back at her, shaking his head "Good luck with your boyfriend…" he hissed, letting go of her hand and turning his back on her, walking away

(…)

"I just don't understand it, mother", he desperately looks at his mother.

Ever since Kate had disappeared he had pushed himself away from his friends. From his family. But, in spite of that, he knew he could still look for his mother's shoulder to cry on.

Marhta sighs. "Look, kiddo," she brings her hand to his, stroking it carefully.

It wasn't okay for her to see her son like this. _Not again_.

"I know you have had a rough last couple of years. You have every permission to be angry, devasted." She pauses for a seconds, making sure he was listening to her. "But this your chance. Beckett's alive. Isn't that what you have been wanting to hear after all this time?"

"Yeah, I mean," he sighs, running his left hand through his brown, messy hair "But if she didn't come back before… That ought to mean something, right?"

He looks at her with desperate eyes, making Martha just want to hold her son in her arms and don't let him get hurt ever again. But she can't.

It's Beckett. She has to have a good explanation. She thought. But what good explanation could there be?

She gently shrugs her shoulders, not sure on what to tell him "Listen, Kiddo, I think there's only one person who can answer all your questions. Unless you talk to her, you'll just be second guessing everything that hits your mind."

She rises up from her seat, giving him a gentle peck on his forehead, smiling. "I'm sure everything will end up being okay after the storm."

And with that she walks upstairs, leaving that broken man sitting alone on the couch.

(…)

"Oh! You scared me," Lanie screamed, running her hand to her chest.

About two weeks had gone by ever since Castle told her about his conversation with Kate. But since she hadn't made any kind of effort to look for her she had just drowned herself in work as much as she possibly could to avoid thinking about the fact that her best friend had chosen to die.

"Hey Lanie," Kate murmured, offering her a petite smile as Lanie walked inside the autopsy room.

Not expecting to suddenly see her be… Well ex-best friend surprisingly appearing there, she remained still, shock piercing her whole body.

_Oh, Katie_. But no, she couldn't. She was too hurt to show any sign of affection. At least,_ not now._

"You really don't have the permission to be here" she sighs, walking past Beckett and getting rid of her jacket, changing to her lab robe, avoiding any eye contact with the woman in front of her.

Beckett admired her, not helping that a smile had formed in her face. Lanie had longer hair, it almost reached her lower back, even though it was tied up in a messy ponytail. Her eyes though, her eyes had changed.

_I missed you, Lanie. _But she couldn't say that. She couldn't put herself in a vulnerable place already. That wouldn't be the way to make it right. She knew what it'd take for Lanie to be able to forgive her.

The truth. More than that, she needed time. And that was something that didn't depend on her.

"You're right," she says, nodding her head "I came to talk to Gates, just thought I'd swing by first, you know… to explain."

_Or try._

Lanie kept humming silently, acting as if Kate's words weren't getting any effect on her. "You have nothing to explain. You had an accident. You didn't feel like coming back. That's what normal people do, I get it" she hissed, ironically, the pain visible in her voice.

Fuck, this is going to be harder than I thought.

"It's not like I didn't have any reason to come back, Lan"

"They just weren't strong enough"

"A year had gone by. I just… I wasn't ready" she had raised her tone, not realizing it until silence was heard again.

Frustration was running through her. Not even Lanie wanted to understand her.

"Okay, then…" she sighed, running her hand through her long hair, untangling it "I'll see you, Lanie."

As Beckett turned on her heels, Lanie sighed. This wasn't her. It didn't matter how hurt she was. "Just… Explain" she suggested, quickly turning her vision back to the paper work.

Hearing those words, the corner of Beckett's mouth lifted, forming a smile. She nodded at Lanie's words and sat in front of her, sighing.

"I don't know how to start" she stated.

Pathetic. But true. She'd been missing for almost two years and suddenly she wants to come back into people's lives. How can she justify that.

_I can't._

"Castle told me you were in a coma," Lanie looked at her, a worried expression present in her face "and that you have a boyfriend?"

Kate sighed, looking down. Of course Castle would remember that part and probably emphasize it when telling Lanie. "Yup. I guess."

"You guess?"

"Well. He is my boyfriend. I mean, he was the one who helped me arrange everything ot get back and, you know, didn't give up on me."

"He isn't the only one who didn't give up on you, Kate."

_I didn't mean it like that._

"I know," Kate nodded, sighing. "This is harder than I was hoping it would be."

"Just tell me what happened. I'm not expecting a justification already. Just the facts."

Lanie knew her too well. She didn't have any justification, that was the thing. As hard as she tried to understand why, she just didn't know.

"Well, I don't remember much. I remember waking up in Alex's room—"

"Your boyfriend, I assume"

She sighs. Ever since she arrived she hadn't stop feeling bad about herself when refering to Alex as her boyfriend. Maybe cause she didn't want to refer to him as her boyfriend. _Not him._

"Yeah, my-my boyfriend. Anyways, apparently he found me and recognized me. He thought about bringing me to the hospital, but as a doctor himself he knew how hectic it would be and I was seriously injured," she whispered, slightly lifting her top up, revealing a scar on her hip "So, he brought me to his house, in a small village outside the city. He took care of me and did everything he could until I finally woke up a couple of months later," by then, small tears were starting to form in both women's eyes.

Lanie was suffering for her, she just wanted to have been there for her friend. Best friend.

"Anyways… I had a temporary amnesia, everything was too blurry and he was the one who told me what had happened to me, according to the news. But it didn't matter how hard I tried, how hard we both tried," she emphasized, making sure Lanie understood he had only done what he thought was best for her "I couldn't seem to remember anything. That is, of course, until we moved back to the city, around a month ago. And then I saw it…"

Her voice faded, her eyes fell down to the floor as she played with her fingers.

_I saw him._

"I saw an old Castle's book," she smiles, the most honest and warming smile Lanie had seen in a long time "And it hit me," she laughs.

"How cliché, right?"

Lanie shakes her head, smiling "I understand it" she offers a smile to Beckett, carefully taking her hand in hers.

_Of course it had to be Castle, Kate._ She gently wipes away a tear rolling down her friend's cheek and lets a soft chuckle escape her lips. "Why didn't you look for us, Kate?"

She shrugs. "I don't know. I wanted to. As soon as I remembered everything and cleaned the mess inside my head. That's all I wanted but—"

"You were afraid." Lanies finishes.

Kate nods, laughing at her pathetic self. "I had a boyfriend who I owe my life to and yet, the moment I remembered everything, I just wanted to leave him. It sounds stupid, irrelevant. But I just didn't like being that person, that person I was those days, so" she looks up at Lanie, apologetically "I decided I should try and start my life without you. I mean, how could I appear here after all I can only imagine I put you all through? How could you forgive me?"

_Will you ever forgive me?_

Lanie smiles, shaking her head "Same old Beckett."

Beckett can't help but laugh at those words, wrapping her arms around Lanie's shoulders, hugging her tight.

"I'm so sorry, Lan, so so sorry."

Lanie smiles, wrapping her arms around Beckett, hugging her in return and nods. "I know girl, I'm sorry too. I'm sorry you had to go through that alone."

She shakes her head. "I really don't understand how I could have been so selfish. And dumb, by thinking I could live right without you in my life."

_Any of you_, she thinks as Castle's image emerging in her mind. She lets go of Lanie, stroking her face softly.

"I missed you so much"

"We missed you too, girl. All of us" she adds, emphasizing the all, knowing Beckett would understand it.

She nods, her smile fading from her face. "I don't know about that." She sighs and glances down at her watch. Her father's watch, she recalls, smiling at the thought.

"Gates awaits me… We'll talk soon?"

Lanie smiles. "You bet," she pulls Beckett for a hug, making Beckett's smile reappear.

It still isn't okay. They still aren't okay. But they will get there. They will be okay and that's enough for Beckett for now.


End file.
